Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered and it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 4-7
I really enjoyed a recent article of John Abbot about racism. Personally, I abhor, loathe and despise any kind of racism, prejudice or bias, in any way, shape or form. Actually, exactly what makes the world so interesting, are our differences, in spite of the fact that we are all the same. But each person is unique, each culture is unique, each racial group is unique. I love to learn with other cultures and in this process, review my own concepts and I have no problems learning with others. This enriches and enlightens our spirit.
One month of traveling and meeting other cultures is worth more than one year in any University. I am the odd tourist, because I love to mingle with the locals, eat with them observe them, learn with them.
Talking about prejudice, misconceptions, pre-conceived ideas, a common one is about couples with a large age difference. The first impulse is for people to think, “the girl is after his money, a fat inheritance, a pension for life, a sugar daddy”. About the guy, the universal stereotype is “he is trying to prove that he can still conquer a young woman, he is not thinking straight, he lost his marbles, she could be his granddaughter”.
People sometimes are so fast in judging others, generalizing and using stereotypes. I bet some cases fit the description above, but for God’s sake, not all cases are the same.
I saw in the Philippines, there and in Thailand is very visible, a lot of couples that one could tell that their ages were easily 25 to 30 years or more apart. Surprisingly as it may sound to many, they looked very happy, totally focused on themselves, completely oblivious to others. Many were pushing a carriage with a real cute baby inside, mind you. What is wrong with that scenario? For me, nothing. As long as there is love, people have the supreme right to choose what is best for them.
Brazilians have a very typical approach regarding other people’s opinions about themselves. They say “well, they will not pay my bills at the end of the month, so they might as well shove their opinions”.
Reading a recent study done in the Philippines, with 1400 couples, where the girl was a young Filipina and the husband a mature foreigner, a significant number, 60 per cent of the couples in the research, had an age difference of 14 to more than 25 years. About 35% had 25 or more years of difference…
I am an eternal student; I tried to investigate as deep as possible this phenomenon with the information available to me. It seems, that in the Filipino culture, what is more important to the ladies is a mature, stable and loyal man, and his age was not relevant. They claim that the young man in their country in their majority just want to have fun, but are irresponsible, immature and selfish. To confirm that common perception, I was alarmed with the number of very young single mothers in dating sites. Girls from 19 to 23. Based on that observation, it looks like the way they feel about young men in their country has some ground. Most tell basically the same story that I heard at least 200 times over and over. They fell in love, had intimacy, got pregnant and the boyfriend ran from them like he was running from the plague and they found out that the guy was double dating. This is not to say that all young guys are the same and all would leave the girls alone and with a baby to raise by herself, but the numbers are staggering.
When people judge a couple with a large age gap, they forget one important piece of the equation, love. In my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong if the man is much older than the woman or if the woman is much older than the man, as long as the motive of their union is real love. Love should always prevail, above any stigmas, conventional or pre conceived ideas. If it is a healthy relationship, there are even some advantages when autumn meets spring. As nature itself shows us, both seasons in their own way are spectacular, and have their highlights. One is explosive, full of vitality, vibrant; the other is majestic, calm, wise and serene. Perhaps a good balance, a good chemistry.
I have seen countless marriages of people about the same age hit the rocks in less than 2 years. Then again, this is not to say that if two people about the same age tie the knot, they will soon head to disaster. The main point is, LET US NOT GENERALIZE.
Since by nature I am an observer, I try to learn with others and am usually aware about what is going on around me. In reality, there is no perfect formula, no magic bullet, if such thing existed, no human relationship would ever go wrong. We all would just follow the magic formula and all couples would be happy and live together forever like in fairy tales. Not so, unfortunately.
Some couples that would be considered “odd couples” by many are among the happiest couples I have ever seen.
I know a couple, the man is 6,4” and his lady is 4,8”. They have 6 kids, love to dance, and are always happy. Last year they celebrated their 25th anniversary. I know another couple; the lady is older than the husband, much taller than him and a big lady, at least 250 pounds. The guy is of small stature, very skinny and looks even smaller when they walk together. They have 3 beautiful kids, and you can see that they deeply love each other.
In the other hand, I have seen people that looked like they were made for each other, filing for divorce before completing one year of marriage.
By nature and religious beliefs, I do not judge others; I live and let others live.
It seems that more than anything else, is a cultural thing. While in the Philippines and Thailand it causes no surprise to see couples with a huge age gap walking holding hands, sharing a kiss etc, in other Asian countries, couples like these raise eyebrows. In Korea and China, apparently the society is not so tolerant for this type of relationship. In Brazil, people could not care less, people mind their own business, but in North America, a couple with an age difference of more than 10 years will certainly get some stares.
Another interesting factor at play is the social status. People wealthy, are somehow “allowed” to marry someone much younger, it is a symbol of power and status. Also artists and celebrities are in a special group, people empathize with them, as if we were not all equal. It is tolerated for some, as for others is considered an aberration, bizarre behavior, peculiar liaisons.
I welcome opinions and comments, this is an interesting topic.
As for me, I am an eternal romantic and I do believe in love 110%. If I ever fall in love with a woman much younger than me, this will certainly not stop me loving her, marrying her and to be happy with her, regardless of other peoples opinions. I am Brazilian…
